Written by InhaleSports Contributor Jack Selby
“Who would win in a game of 1-1, Jordan or LeBron?” “What would happen if Barry Bonds batted against Sandy Koufax?” The what-if game is a cornerstone of all sports; a rhetorical question about generational skill that can never truly be answered, but leads to spirited, and oftentimes heated, debate regardless. But these questions often skirt around the completely unimportant and irrelevant that very few have either the guts or the desire to ask… until now.
August saw the release of Hands of Stone, a biopic of Hall of Fame boxer, Roberto Duran, that culminates in a dramatization of the Sugar Ray Leonard-Duran 1980 rematch that has infamously been dubbed the No Más Fight (no más being Spanish, I believe, for “red velvet”). The picture features Edgar Ramirez playing Duran, and one Usher Raymond playing Leonard. What will likely be the lasting legacy of the film, particularly since it bombed at the box office, is the uncanny physical resemblance to Leonard that Usher is. As such, it can only lead to one logical question:
Who would win in a fight: Usher or Sugar Ray Leonard?
Now, an important distinction to this story is to ask who would win in a fight right now. Obviously if both men were in their prime, Leonard would wipe the floor with the Usher to the point where he’d make CM Punk look competitive by comparison. But for a fight that would take place in the Fall of 2016, Leonard’s age and possible CTE linkage due to years of getting punched in the head for a living a far greater toss-up.
Let’s look at the physical conditions of the two: There’s no denying that Mr. Raymond is cut to the core. Even before the athletic training the film required, Usher was renowned for his sex appeal, and would subsequently find any reason to take his shirt off (looking at you, “Confessions, Pt. II” video.) If you combine that with the boxing training he received, this should be an advantage. One potential drawback is that Usher is no spring chicken himself, as he just turned 38 this month. And while his training was legitimate, he was still learning how to hold back his strikes, making his power of the punch suspect.
While Leonard in his prime was a physical specimen, that prime was also well over three decades ago. It depends on how mentally sharp Leonard still is at this point in life, as he’s already at a natural physical disadvantage, no matter how much his Skechers commercials will try and convince you otherwise. How much of a physical disadvantage is still in question because Leonard still appears to keep himself in a good shape as it is, but 60 is 60. How long can Leonard last, and how much does he still have left in the tank?
The fight itself would have to be a legal WBC sanctioned bout, scheduled for a full 10 rounds at a standard three minutes each. Both men are used to performing in front of large crowds, so pressure is not likely to be a determining factor. Although it’s worth noting that Leonard has not had a fight in nearly twenty years, and that fight was his first in over six. So perhaps Leonard gets a bit of the stage fright, but that would wear off as the fight goes on. The outside factors are another interesting gap, seeing as how Leonard generally didn’t come out to music in the manner that most fighters have done since his heyday ended, although he did make the interesting choice of using Michael Jackson’s “Leave Me Alone” for some of his final bouts, a unique choice for a jock jam. Usher would seem to have the built-in luxury of already having a vast 22 years’ worth of discography at his disposal, and even though much of his work is more mellow R&B, he could easily get the adrenaline going with the Jimmy Joker remix of “More”. Also, knowing Usher, he would wear a tank top to the ring just so he could take it off in the middle of it and receive a reaction from the crowd.
As the fight begins, it would begin to fold out and see how much impromptu training can benefit a man already in tremendous shape, and to see if Usher could land punches with any sort of consistency or power. Meanwhile, Leonard has forgotten more about boxing than Raymond will ever know (and again, due to the ever-looming danger of long-term CTE, that’s no longer merely a cliché), but at 22 years his senior has already lost the battle to father time.
The key for Usher is to dip, dodge, and duck. Use a variant of the rope-a-dope strategy and let the AARP eligible Leonard tire himself out quickly in the early rounds. Going straight toe-to-toe would be playing into Leonard’s hand and would also likely be a mistake. Let Leonard start gasping for air and begin to ponder if being endorsed by Skechers means that he can call Joe Montana a “friend” when introducing him at a fancy wine and cheese party or if that would still be too strong of an adjective to use at this point in time. As the fight enters the middle rounds, this is where the handsome crooner goes for the jugular. Start being aggressive with the punching and attempt to take him down. Be mindful of your own stamina so that Leonard doesn’t have a chance to turn the scripts and flip the table. But the rest of the fight should be to Usher’s advantage. Landing consistent punches while keeping his arms up to defend the counter strike should be enough, even for a boxing novice against a first ballot Hall of Famer.
So despite the seeming lopsidedness on paper, I’m going for the upset:
Winner by Majority Decision: Usher Raymond
Well that’s all we have time for on the inaugural edition of Hot Take Bakery. Join us next time when we pose the question “Who would win in a Jeopardy duel: Mr. Peanut or Mr. Ed?”
